Show Notes
Resentment rarely begins with one big moment. More often, it grows through small, unresolved hurts that leave one partner feeling unsupported, unseen, or alone.
In this episode, I sit down with Angie Charter, a licensed clinical social worker who supports individuals, couples, adolescents, and families in the Erie, Colorado community.
Angie has 21 years of experience in psychotherapy, with specialized training in dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) and PACT couples therapy. She especially enjoys helping couples understand what is happening beneath the surface of conflict so they can build stronger, healthier relationships.
Together, we explore where resentment comes from, how it shows up in marriage, and what couples can do before it creates a deeper divide.
Angie explains that resentment may feel like anger, but underneath it is often grief, hurt, or disappointment. What looks like an argument about socks, dishes, intimacy, or parenting responsibilities may actually reflect a much deeper feeling of being unsupported or alone in the relationship.
We also discuss how attachment styles and the nervous system influence conflict. While one partner may need immediate reassurance and connection, the other may need time and space before they can communicate effectively. Learning to recognize these differences can help couples stop treating each other like the enemy and begin approaching the problem as a team.
In this episode, we cover:
- How small, unresolved frustrations can grow into resentment
- Why the surface disagreement is often not the real issue
- The grief, hurt, and disappointment underneath resentment
- How to name resentment before it becomes emotional distance
- Shifting from “me versus you” to “we versus the problem”
- What happens in the brain and nervous system during conflict
- The three attachment styles described as islands, waves, and anchors
- Why one partner may need space while the other needs reassurance
- How to take a healthy break without making your partner feel abandoned
- Using eye contact and safe physical touch to create connection during conflict
- What makes PACT different from traditional couples therapy
- Prioritizing the marriage as the foundation of the family
- What children learn by watching their parents navigate conflict
- How shared faith and prayer can support couples through difficult seasons
- Why couples don’t need to wait for a crisis before seeking help
Angie shares one of the most powerful reminders from this conversation:
“Resentment may feel like anger, but underneath it is often grief.”
When couples can recognize the hurt beneath the anger, communicate it vulnerably, and work through it together, resentment can become an opportunity for greater understanding, healing, and connection.
If you’ve noticed small frustrations beginning to pile up—or you simply want to build a stronger and more secure relationship—this episode offers practical insight you can begin using right away.
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